Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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