I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
