White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
