and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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