I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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