this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
