You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
