he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
