i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
