Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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