so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Betty ford says i'm here all night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
