I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Everclear isn't food dammit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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