My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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