Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
