it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
