He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
