she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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