If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
