i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
