i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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