YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
