you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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