So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
