TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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