Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
