imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
