Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
