Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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