Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
