I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
