My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
