What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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