I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
