I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
