my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
