biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
