I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
