I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
