I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
