They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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