At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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