her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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