you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
