Porn is love you can see.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
