The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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