He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
