i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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