I accidentally had phone sex last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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