The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
