so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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