hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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