I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
